Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My feet surprised me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
