I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
