Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
