i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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