I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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