i just sent this text using only my big toe
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
