Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
