I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
