dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
