i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've blown a few things in my day
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
