O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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