i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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