Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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