I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
