And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
