It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
