$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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