This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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