if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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