I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
