my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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