Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
