marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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