Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
