with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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