my being single is dangerous.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want nice things and good sex
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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