im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
