I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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