We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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