New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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