Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
