This is not my ceiling
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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