Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
