Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
