You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
True strength comes from lack of pants
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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