oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
