When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
