You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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