this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
