Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
