I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
