he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
