i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
