So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
