can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
