mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I believe in your delicious
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
