just come out here and I will go home with you...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
