After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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