I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
