Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
