I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love accidental penises.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
