That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
