I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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