I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
