Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
