laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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