Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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