put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
