the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
